The Daily Q: Dial Back

Members of The Edge group have been discussing some issues with motivation.

Alison Jaskiewicz photo.

I wish to observe it is tough to bloom when you are buried.

Alison Jaskiewicz photo.

Not impossible, of course, but it looks different.

Thanks, Alison!

As it should.

The strange thing would be if we felt perfectly normal in these abnormal times.

So what do we do?

Morning in Montana has been a bit rough. Harper B for Breakfast Heave Ho has been throwing up and the internet keeps quitting on me when I work in my home office.

Both of these things are problematic and concerning, of course, but I observe my reactions are bigger than is warranted — under normal circumstances, that is.

But these are not normal times.

Bigger reactions is the New Normal — I understand that and it doesn’t concern me. I just know to talk myself down. Harper likely isn’t dying and my class at 8:00 a.m. WILL be okay — even if I have to use my iPhone to do it.

And so the first thing I suggest for flagging motivation is to just accept it as part of the New Normal. Do not make it worse by imagining there is something amiss.

There isn’t.

You continue to achieve by making it through each day. YAY YOU!

My second suggestion comes from #sparklespickups.

Sparkle is unconcerned by Covid-19 and appreciates that I am now home 24/7. This makes it so much easier to trade cookies for “stuff”!

I decided this morning to make Sparkle’s deliveries a prompt for a new habit (based on the Tiny Habits book).

Every time Sparkle delivers an item, I will ask her (and the dog[s] with her) to do one additional behavior before handing over a cookie.

Just one behavior — nothing crazy. Like “down,” cookie, release word.

I can do that.

And so I am accepting the lack of motivation as a temporary New Normal, and giving myself a micro-ized “solution” so that I do not feel as if all is lost.

That is Dialing Back. Doing and expecting and ACCEPTING less because we are doing so much more.

Harper and Daisy

Hang on, Friends.

We got this.

The Daily Q: Stay Calm and Birthday On

We tend to live with the people (and animals) we do because we made a choice; I suspect it was not, however, a fully informed one.

We signed up to live a happily ever “normal life” — that is not quite the same as living for what seems like eternity with someone who is counting out squares of toilet paper and watching some strange tiger show on Netflix.

We are required to face this crisis under conditions that are not ideal for facing a crisis.

How does that even work? Do we just take turns being the calm and supportive presence for each other?!

The “How to Have a Happy Family” book left out the chapter about being quarantined in a 900-square-foot apartment with two toddlers, off-the-chart worry — and a work-from-home job.

The truth is that we are all just making this up as we go.

I am a fan of being intentional and mindful. This means I try to be very aware of my experiences and emotions. These days I am paying close attention to reactions that might be less about this minor irritation and more about that whole pandemic thing looming outside my door.

Being mindful and self-awareness also means — to me — understanding that emotions and reactions tend towards global, and are not usually specific to one thing. If one is anxious about Covid-19 (and who isn’t?!), for example, that anxiety will permeate all aspects of life and not just turn on when one thinks about Covid-19.

Expect to be touchy.

Expect to be anxious.

Expect to have all the emotions close to the surface at one time or another — or all the time.

Expect BIG reactions for things that ordinarily would be “meh.”

Normal.

Because of all that, this is not the time to decide about anything big in your life — like divorce. [FYI — you cannot actually divorce your children.]

This is a time to sit tight, stay the course, and just take one day at a time — or even just one hour at a time.

It is a time to practice every ounce of patience you have — with yourself and your fellow viral prisoner(s).

Today is also an excellent day to rest your mind on this wonderful woman who is celebrating her birthday without the benefit of a family party.

There is a lot we can’t do — that is true. But not even a pandemic can take away your birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DORIS!

The Daily Q: What To Flatten

Yesterday I got a call from a friend. She shared upcoming plans with me — and added that she would not be discussing them widely because she did not want to deal with judging.

Harper B for Be Nice.

I have thought about how this tendency to believe OUR decisions are the only true and correct decisions — making all other choices wrong and bad — will play out during this pandemic.

Her phone call suggested an answer.

Life with Covid-19 may well amplify two realities about human behavior:

People judge/criticize.

People seek to avoid judgement/criticism.

The consequence of those two things, of course, is that there will be LESS connection during a time when we need more connection.

Oh Dear.

Can we just agree that our contributions to flattening the curve may well be different from each other?

I will avoid liquor stores, for example, because alcohol is not essential in my world.

But maybe it is for you — and so out you go into the Great Viral Unknown to stock up on gin, tequila, and wine.

My friend may think hope is essential and so will venture out to get a progesterone test done on her dog.

The assessment of what is a necessary risk or essential service will reflect what is unique and individual about a person and/or family. It seems so important to understand and respect this new kind of diversity (within the limits of necessary public policies).

You need a quarantini — she needs hope.

Daisy

We need to flatten the curve — not each other.