99% Verdict

The Magic-8 Ball said “probably not” — we will re-check in a week but it does not appear that Claire is pregnant.

Every time I have to write this kind of thing I swear I will never again be public about breeding plans/events and instead wait to say anything until I have a confirmed pregnancy. Sometimes my empathy is such a liability — it pains me to imagine all the disappointment these words will cause.

But I want to be honest about the ways Life with Dogs — including breeding these dogs well — is both wonderful and so so hard. It is not always rainbows and unicorns — it is also bitter disappointments and the loss of already imagined and loved puppies that are not really there; it is also a great deal of time and expense that cannot be recaptured.

Losses. A very real part of Life with Dogs.

SIGH. Like literally, I just sighed — because the truth is we regroup and march on. What else can we do?

Sparkle is up to the plate next — and soon.

Life with Dogs gives us a lot of practice with that strange mix of sorrows and hope that is just Life.

An End is in Sight -- Thank Goodness

Today is the last day I will have to live with the uncertainty. An ultrasound will answer the question of whether Claire is pregnant or not.

I play all manner of mind games with myself. I literally have a list of “Things I Can Do If Claire Is Not Pregnant” to try and soften what would be a hard blow.

And I have puppy names picked out.

Complicated.

I need it settled so that my mind stops being a constant Magic-8 Ball.

Source: https://www.makeschool.com/academy/track/build-ios-apps/learn-how-to-build-apps--magic-8-ball/intro-magic8

Source: https://www.makeschool.com/academy/track/build-ios-apps/learn-how-to-build-apps--magic-8-ball/intro-magic8

Did you imagine this kind of thing is part of breeding dogs well?

Channel Change

Is she pregnant or not?

This waiting game is rough.

I am reminded that anticipatory feelings are really not helpful — or reasonable. Why do humans insist on dragging a potential future event’s potential emotional impact into the present?

A dog reminds us how to just stick to the present moment.

Sparkle sufficient.jpg

But that is a tough lesson to learn - and relearn.

I imagine hearing Claire is not pregnant and I feel the feels — sadness, disappointment, discouragement — about something that has not happened! Totally unnecessary feelings that crowd out what deserves to be felt and experienced TODAY.

Excellent reminder that THOUGHTS drive feelings. And since thoughts originate in our heads, we get to control what Mental Channel plays in our minds.

Please pass that remote control.

Sparkle remote.jpg

And put on those super Lucky Socks. That, after all, is really all we can do about this today.