When I moved into this house over 14 years ago, I turned the three-car garage into a dog training space. I used the other garage for more traditional garage business — like lawn mowers, tools, and all the stuff you are not quite ready to get rid off but can’t think where else to put it — but that three-car garage was all mine.
Future Ex-Husband was still living and working in Utah at the time and so for over a year this worked well — and then he retired and moved up to Montana on a full-time basis.
And I caved.
I gave up my space.
That should have been a clue — being required to give up space that was important to me just to store his stuff. At the time, I called it, “compromising.”
I think too much gets by us with that word: compromising. The truth often looks more like co-opted.
Anyway, for the past 13 years, that 32 x 24 space was filled with boxes and bins, floor to ceiling. #hoarder
And also things he should not have had — like the sawed-off shotgun we found last summer on a shelf in that garage.
So many secrets were contained in that garage. So many indignities. So much exploitation.
No more.
Eighteen months after the secrets came spilling out, I have my space back.
Dog training and Life work best when we have a dual focus on the present, and our Hopes and Dreams for the future. Both are important. We need to consider where we want to go, and also what is possible right now that will help us get there.
“Possible” is the key word — not “should be possible.”
“She should be able to do this” or “she should know that” are counterproductive, adding layers of negative emotions and thoughts that create burden, and drag down the progress. For dogs and humans.
Let the shoulds go — they just get in the way. I have learned that lesson repeatedly over the past 18 months and it is a good one to remember. For all of us.
We make progress towards our goals by living what is real right now. I can’t, for example, make my entire yard beautiful and perfect — but I can do this little piece of it right now.
The whole is created by all the small and perfect parts.
The ideal obedience “front” is a dog sitting squarely in front of the human. A crooked front is points off. I do not like giving up easy points, and so I train for an ideal front. That doesn’t mean it will always happen — but training for it certainly improves the odds.
Claire has a lovely front — but the next level of obedience involves a dumbbell, and she does not have lovely fronts when the dumbbell is involved.
I could say, “she should” because without the dumbbell her fronts are a thing of beauty. What the heck, Claire — just do your thing!
But the dumbbell adds something new to the behavior. In fact, sitting squarely with the dumbbell is a different behavior.
It looks the same — but it isn’t. Like me trying to live normal life over the past 18 or so months.
“She should be able to do this.”
No, she should not.
Understanding that is critical.
“Should” is a trap that gets in the way of progress.
And so Claire is learning something new — that looks like something she already knows but really isn’t. She is learning how to do a square and perfect front while holding a dumbbell firmly in her mouth.
It only looks easy.
The reality is that she has to master so many tiny pieces in order for it to come together and be perfect.
And each tiny piece — each Least Trainable Unit — has to be identified and taught to perfection before it can be chained together.
Dog training reminds me every single day to break things down into manageable pieces, do only what is possible in this moment, and eliminate the shoulds.
I am also reminded every day of the importance of creating celebration.
And the importance of cookies. 🍪🍪🍪🍪
What can you celebrate today? 🎉
