Paint

This is a post I have considered for a while. Nothing earth shattering — just a point.

Photo by Suzanne

I had a choice. I chose Pozy Clarkia.

“What about her markings?” one might ask.

What about them?

Pozy, Sundance and Capella

People can be so strange about markings. And naive.

I have an image in my mind of a dilapidated, sagging house missing a piece of the roof and built next to a Superfund site — but a proudly beaming owner feeling smug because said house is painted so nicely.

What can you even say?!

“Um…nice paint job?”

Bright Stars Atlas Sun and Dallas Nova Jr.

Darker markings did not stop Wildflower Kjempe from being certified as a Canine Good Citizen…

…or from being what Mariya describes as a “Barkstar.” Congratulations to Team Kjempe!

Like with people, what really matters in a Berner is what is inside.

Have an imperfectly wonderful day.

Reflections on the 10+10

Thinking back over the ten or so weeks that the 10+10 lived with me, I am reminded that the delicate interplay between humans is influenced by so many internal realities that we cannot truly understand.

I suspect no human being could have raised two litters in such enriched ways plus managed a professional job — and not dropped balls.

Zoey, great-grandma to the Bright Stars and great-great aunt to the Moonshadows. Zoey did not drop balls. Ever.

It was a time when I lived close to that emotional edge we all experience at times; I lived in that space for weeks and weeks.

My Best Self was there for the puppies. My Good Enough Self was there for the other critical things, and the Come Back Later Self handled most of my life, truth be told.

No, I would never, ever do two litters again. But it is done and I learned a lot.

My commitment to self-care paid off — that is Lesson #1. I dialed WAY back on all non-essentials. I rarely missed a day on my Peloton bike. I sought and accepted help from my excellent support system. There is no Best Self to show up for the things that matter if we neglect self-care.

I gained additional gratitude for perspective. No — you are not devastated that I am not placing a puppy with you — that is disappointment. Devastated is when your child or your partner dies.

I hope I never lose perspective.

I learned so much about Grace. The hopeful yearning when we need it. The relief and gratitude when Grace is received. The sorrow that follows when Grace is withheld or denied.

So many people wanted puppies. Managing the complicated placement puzzles, the anxieties of the humans, and finding tactful ways of telling people they did not meet my standards of puppy suitability — SO FLIPPING HARD.

It got easier when I got too tired to overthink or engage or explain.

Thank you, Lori!

So many good lessons but trust me — Claire is not the only one who needs some time to recover.

Breeding dogs well is awfully tough on the tender-hearted, but I am glad it was hard — because if it wasn’t, I would worry about the state of my soul. Creating Life is a sacred responsibility — Motherhood should never be exploited.

Something else I learned: The world is filled with amazing human beings. My support system. People who sent such lovely gifts and messages and cards — and a quilt! The new homes who have been gracious with me and appreciative of the puppies. Our veterinarian and her staff. I could go on and on.

Imperfect humans are amazingly and perfectly wonderful. Thank you.

Please — have a graceful day.

The Plan & The Dream

Kitsap from the Wildflowers is awaiting the news that he is an uncle (this week) and a brother (next week).

SO CUTE

Thank you, Bridget!

Readiness for next two weeks continues, as much as we can actually be ready for what is coming and I am not sure that is completely possible.

Harper B and rePete say, “Pass the popcorn — this is going to be entertaining.”

Claire continues to grow.

Alison sent these and they are edible 100% of the time with Claire, which is an enviable record for food these days…

Thank you, Alison!

And speaking of wonderful gifts — someone sent three bags of different puppy foods from Chewy but there is no indication of who sent them.

All excellent foods!

Please accept my gratitude, whether you want to out yourself or remain anonymous. VERY much appreciated.

Laundry is finishing up…

Claire’s temperature readings yesterday were: 100.6, 100.2, and 100.4.

Today we start taking her temperature four times a day. We are look for a drop of at least two degrees. At that point we will check her progesterone to ensure it has also dropped, and then she will have a c-section for the following reasons: 1) litter size (big); 2) overnight emergency veterinary options are not optimal; 3) planned c-sections are safer than emergency ones; 4) her knee issue; and, 5) to maximize puppy survival.

Because we did progesterone testing and timed ovulation, and because dog pregnancy is not especially variable in terms of length, we know we will have puppies on Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday. The twice a week laser appointments plus brace fitting means my poor veterinarian has had to go over The Plan with me a lot — I like making sure all bases are covered, as much as possible.

Our veterinarian is an excellent surgeon and so I know Claire will have the best care. In a c-section, however, puppies come out fast and are often sleepy, needing quick suctioning and vigorous reminders about the need to breath, and the veterinarian is busy tending to the mom and pulling out puppies. This means many experienced hands are needed for the Puppy Crew, and so Suzanne and I will be part of that team.

Once puppies are well-started, they go into a warming box with their siblings. When Claire is sort of awake, the puppies will nurse — it all happens quickly and we expect to be home within hours of their arrival.

We are also prepared for a home delivery if Claire surprises us, and decides that is the easy peasy part of pregnancy (since nothing else has been!).

Dear Husband finished up his walkabout and will be home tonight…

We have the team and The Plan ready.

I think.

I invite you to rest your good wishes on Claire this week, and also to consider that even in dogs, inequities exist.

Claire and her puppies are so privileged, and it is not because they are any more worthy or special than the mother dog and her sweet babies living in a cage or barn at a puppy mill. Further, it would in no way diminish the advantages offered to Claire and her family if all dogs were as loved and fortunate.

On this day, I am considering the inequalities that continue to exist in our country, and wishing we could truly understand that we are better when we care for and about others — not less.

I Have a Dream — indeed.