Recording a podcast series about teenage suicide and shattered hearts is all the rough stuff you might imagine it would be. We keep adding recording sessions because there is so much to say.
Grief Hangovers are a thing, FYI.
I wanted to share this from my recording partner — with permission, of course.
“I’ve had a few things on my heart the past two weeks — insert Harrison’s side snarky glare because in reality nothing is on my heart {insert Mom sassy face as I look back} — I’m sure that these feels sitting on my heart are partly because of my project with Mary-Ann Sontag Bowman talking about mine and Harrison’s story and partly these feels come from a mind that never stops analyzing EVERYTHING.
Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining ☁️🙅🏻♀️
Source Unknown
I’m not sure the history of this☝🏻 or when it came into widespread use, but like almost all platitudes I loathe it— so much so that it has been sitting on, squashing, my heart.
Because it is hurtful and bossy and unrealistic and takes action away from people AND it makes people feel GUILTY for their normal natural feelings when faced with a situation that they didn’t want/didn’t ask for.
There is NOT a silver lining to Harrison taking his own life, NONE or my Mom’s death NONE or my sister’s death NONE.
So maybe it works in non-death scenarios? BUT don’t think that people don’t use this platitude in grief situations… I heard about one this week and was flabbergasted.
Hey, your dog has cancer, but your parents took you to get an ice-cream ❌
Hey, you worked really hard to get honor roll and barely missed, but at least you aren’t failing❌
Hey, you are going through a divorce, but at least you get to keep your house❌
Are we trying to negate feelings of disappointment and loss? Who are we to take away normal, vital, healthy feelings? Are we uncomfortable with other’s pain and try to “fix” it? Are all platitudes veiled in a selfish need to “fix” others?
Another possibility popped into my mind… do we buy into it because we are challenged by disappointment/loss running alongside laughter, joy, and possibility. Example: my Mom died from an auto accident when I was young, my Dad remarried, and I was gifted with siblings. So, if I am feeling broken and raw about my Mom’s death then I am somehow saying that I don’t want my siblings… because her death started a chain of events that ended with my gift siblings.
I am devastated and broken over the death of my son AND I am grateful to be involved in a project with @sontagbowman that lets me share mine and Harrison’s story. I can feel devastation and gratitude at the same-time.
Complex human emotions deserve more than flat Hallmark musings.”