I will show Capella again in the beauty pageant. My daughter is meeting me for the weekend, I can see so many people and dogs I love, and so on and so forth.
This trip will be made possible because Almighty Heidi will stay at my house for three nights with the dogs (and cats) who are staying home. #gratitude
The last show I went to was in October, and it was also in the Boise area.
What most do not know was that on the way to Boise in the RV I received several messages when I finally was in cell services again. Long story short — Harper had shown up at a stranger’s house down the road a bit, and that person had reached out to some neighbors who thought she belonged to me.
Literally — my dogs have never been loose or lost. N.E.V.E.R.
I sat in the RV in that tiny spot of cell service frantically trying to reach The Husband. The person had walked Harper home but left her loose — not in a fenced yard — and because of no cell service, all of this was in the past tense.
I was hysterical — six hours from home, in the dark, and imagining that Claire and Pozy were also loose and that by now, all three were dead and/or gone.
It was one of the worst experiences of my life — not hyperbole.
Busy with his guest, who I now know used her flight benefits to stay at my house whenever I left town, the glitching Husband did not respond to my frantic texts or my repeated calls. I sent someone over to the house — that finally got his attention.
Harper was safe — Claire and Pozy had not been loose. Photo evidence was required and provided. Eventually, I stopped crying and shaking but I knew then that he could not be trusted with the dogs ever again — it wasn’t too long before I also discovered he could not be trusted with my heart either.
And so no, I have not been able to go anywhere. I have not seen my grandchildren since October. This is time — and small human hugs — I can never get back. Ever.
All choices have consequences, don’t they? Like a pebble in a pond — ripples spread outward. In this case, it was actually more like an underground earthquake with tsunami waves hitting the beaches of the land mass called “M-A’s Life.”
The trauma of all the things that have happened and been revealed since that October day will never leave me — that is the nature of trauma. It leaves an indelible mark on our soul. Our job is to take that scar, that evidence of resilience, however wobbly and fragile at times, and turn it into something meaningful.
Like having a new and profound appreciation for a friend who can be trusted, a dog who can be shown, a family who can be hugged, and maybe most of all — for a resilient spirit that can transform tragedy, making that scar into a star or a heart or something else that reflects who and what we really are.
