The Daily Q: What To Flatten

Yesterday I got a call from a friend. She shared upcoming plans with me — and added that she would not be discussing them widely because she did not want to deal with judging.

Harper B for Be Nice.

I have thought about how this tendency to believe OUR decisions are the only true and correct decisions — making all other choices wrong and bad — will play out during this pandemic.

Her phone call suggested an answer.

Life with Covid-19 may well amplify two realities about human behavior:

People judge/criticize.

People seek to avoid judgement/criticism.

The consequence of those two things, of course, is that there will be LESS connection during a time when we need more connection.

Oh Dear.

Can we just agree that our contributions to flattening the curve may well be different from each other?

I will avoid liquor stores, for example, because alcohol is not essential in my world.

But maybe it is for you — and so out you go into the Great Viral Unknown to stock up on gin, tequila, and wine.

My friend may think hope is essential and so will venture out to get a progesterone test done on her dog.

The assessment of what is a necessary risk or essential service will reflect what is unique and individual about a person and/or family. It seems so important to understand and respect this new kind of diversity (within the limits of necessary public policies).

You need a quarantini — she needs hope.

Daisy

We need to flatten the curve — not each other.

The Daily Q: The Power of AND

We are about to join some of the rest of you…

From the Missoulian

Someone else is now deciding what services are “essential” in our lives here in Montana. Liquor stores get to stay open, for example, but I cannot get a progesterone test on my dog after today.

Huh.

I support the order!

AND I recognize the additional layer of helplessness and frustration it creates at a time when so many of us are already are running low on Little Soldiers.

Sparkle’s Little Soldier Delivery Service is up and running.

It occurs to me that we would do well to stay focused on the AND. There are so many in all of this and they matter. None of this is all silver lining and opportunity — nor is it all rotten and terrible.

The stay-home order will flatten the curve AND make things tougher.

Staying home is kind of relaxing and nice AND it is driving us nuts.

It is this AND that.

It is especially important to remember the ANDs when you find yourself in one extreme or the other. Yes, all of this is hard and frustrating and unfair AND it is also likely a well-needed pause so you can clean your closets, organize your spices, and/or play cards with your family — remotely, of course.

Family Oh Hell using Zoom.

And so my Dear Friend, Feel the Feels — and don’t forget to look for the AND. None of this is all of anything — there is always an AND.

We got this AND it is temporary.

The Daily Q: Change is Hard

We have all been asked — and in some areas mandated — to make significant changes to everything.

Don’t underestimate how challenging it is to change, and especially when Change is unwanted and carries so many losses.

My Dean inquired how we — the faculty — are doing with the move to remote instruction; this is part of my response to him:

“In addition to blowing up carefully planned schedules, assignments, and classes, Covid-19 is creating a significant emotional burden for all of us. I am using Zoom for my classes and am doing check-ins -- so many students no longer have jobs, many in the undergrad classes had to switch living arrangements, some are expressing how hard it is to be holed up with their family, and so on. By the time check-in is done, I just want to give them all a virtual hug and tell them to go play with a puppy!!

I am teaching Death, Dying, and Grief and that class was already 100% online -- but because we were asked to allow online classes to be completed early I have also had to make significant changes to that course as well. One assignment is something called Death Over Dinner -- a conversation over a meal with friends and/family about end-of-life/death hopes; social distancing blew up that great plan. Instead, we will do it via Zoom in small class groups. In addition, we are now doing a weekly Zoom Session focused on Loss, Grief and Covid-19. I need some puppies myself!!”

Galen and Bethany are under a stay-at-home order in Idaho with two small children. Galen is working remotely. Both Galen and Berkeley are in the high risk group — Galen because of Type 1 Diabetes and Berkeley for her yet unknown health issue. And all I can do is send supportive texts — and a box of toilet paper.

These are strange and hard times.

The necessitated changes are sufficiently tough that we should all be dialing back to give our Little Soldiers a break BUT for many of us, they have to do extra work right now.

Not a great combination — exhausted resources and even more demands.

Do you feel like the rope toy?

Please do not make things worse by imagining there is something wrong with you — it would be a wee bit strange if this upside-down world were NOT causing emotional disruption.

Remember — you are 100% at managing this crazy Covid-19 thing. Go You!

You might feel a bit ragged (I do!) but just keep doing your best to Stay Calm and Sparkle On.

We got this.

Together.